Emotional intelligence and leadership

I am currently taking a class on emotional intelligence. I’m sure some people would laugh at the idea of a class about emotions, thinking it's too "soft". If you are data-driven, then think of emotions as data about people. Positive emotions allow us to be more creative and think outside the box. (Google understand this – consider their culture and work environment.) Negative emotions, on the other hand, help us to focus on the details.

It can be difficult to ignore your emotions or the emotions around you. When people are fired, emotions play a role. Fear impacts organizational change. Anger may help you get more out of a negotiation, but it won’t increase the size of the pie. Therefore, it’s not about taking emotions out of the equation. It’s about identifying emotions, understanding the implications of those emotions and them managing them so that you and the people you work with are more effective.

In general, Asians do not feel comfortable revealing their emotions. (In our study abroad orientation we were taught that, “We will look into it” means “Forget about your inquiry” and “basically, no problem” means BIG problem.) The limited display of emotion may come across as fake, but emotions play the role of a social lubricant in this society.

Westerners generally like to share emotions with others. Yet many of us have been taught that emotions do not belong in the workplace. How can you balance this contradiction? It's surprising that more business school students are not taught how to actually manage emotions effectively.

We spent one entire class discussing the challenges of terminating an employee, where you not only have to consider the legal implications but also the range of emotions that could impact behavior.

Here is an example: Let’s say I have to fire an employee. Prior to sharing the news, I may feel nervous about how the other person will respond, upset because I have no control over the situation, angry for being put in the situation, and/or frustrated that there is no other solutions. My instinct will be to make the situation into a positive one and make the other person feel better. I’ll want to say things about how great the person is or how they will make this into a great career move. Walking into the meeting the other person already has a negative mindset and are likely to become defensive and easily irritated. They may freeze and then either want to get the meeting over as fast as possible so they can leave (flight). In this case, they may be silent. On the other hand, they may become aggressive and try to change the decision (fight). They may cry or yell. Knowing this, being overly positive in this situation will not help either party. I may feel even guiltier and the other person may interpret my intentions incorrectly. They may think I’m not sure about the decision and give them false hope. They may try even harder to make me change my decision. After they hear the bad news, they are scared because they feel helpless. Because they are in a negative mood, they will be focused on the details. As a result, they are inclined to ask a lot of questions. This may also be their way to get control in a situation where they feel helpless. Considering this information, I need to recognize that the interview will not be easy, but practice will make it easier. During the interview I must stay calm and identify the other person’s emotions as I reveal the news. I need to practice beforehand many types of responses so that I am not caught off guard. The negative response of the other person is a natural one, so it should not take me by surprise. In order to give the person the feeling of control, I need to be clear about next steps.

As you can probably tell, I am so glad that I am taking this class. I wish Kelley offered it in the Core!